Bacon Sriracha Unicorn Diaries

The Mediocre American Bake Off: Pie Hole Edition

October 19, 2017

Americans are great at many things. Deep frying. Turning trucks into monster trucks. Renaming a sport football, even though the feet are barely used. But the one thing we Americans truly love is remaking exceptional British TV shows (The Office, American Idol, House of Cards).

Since we’re all absolutely obsessed with The Great British Bake Off it only made sense for us to make our own version: The Mediocre American Bake Off.

Mediocre American Bake Off

For our first week, we’re going to explore the wonderful, flakey, buttery world of pies. But before we get to the scrumminess, let’s take a look at our four contestants.

The Bakers:


Meet Beebe. Beebe loves beans more than she likes most people, which made it difficult for her to make a pie since you can’t pressure cook a pie. In fact, she had to borrow a pie tin to even compete in this competition. Nevertheless, Beebe has a tenacity for baking, despite the fact that she is impatient, vegan, and has never made a pie before.


While Justin’s talents lie in being able to recall every single word to the classic Barenaked Ladies Song, “One Week”, his pie skills are not as memorable. As a first time pie baker, his biggest weakness will be structural integrity and knife-breaking pie crusts.


Denise hails from Ireland, and while they’re not known for their pies, they are known for being fashionable in front of waterfalls. Denise has never made a pie before, though she is known to help her younger family members bake all sorts of goodies back home.


A Southern Belle, who loves soup and saying y’all, Megan didn’t know that a spring form pie tin would be her biggest downfall. All things considered, she knows flavors, she knows biscuits, and she knows how to compete.

The Pies:

Pie #1: Denise’s Irish Apple Pie

A flakey crust made with real Irish butter envelopes sweetened apples in this pie that weighed well over 30 pounds.

Pie #2: Justin’s Funky Monkey Banana Cream Pie

Made with chocolate short pie crust, and filled with banana custard, Justin’s pie was garnished with melted, hand piped chocolate.

Pie #3: Beebe’s Berries & Cream w/ Streusel Topping

A classic homemade crust was the mold that held a mixed berry custard made with sour cream and topped with homemade streusel.

Pie #4: Megan’s Mexican Chocolate Mousse Pie

Oreo crumbles make up a decadent crust topped with chocolate mousse, with a hint of cayenne and cinnamon, garnished with hand whipped cream.

Bonus Pie: Last Minute Office Snack Pie

A “Cookie Dough” inspired protein bar with greek yogurt and garnished with peanut butter pretzels and cheddar cheese goldfish crackers.

Since no one dared to eat the “Office Kitchen Pie” that was thrown together last minute, we ended up with four official entries. And here they are in all their glory.

Who will win star baker? Who’s pie is a soupy mess? Who used vegan butter? Find out by watching the first episode of The Mediocre American Bake-Off.


  • Blue

    Great job everyone!

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