Bacon Sriracha Unicorn Diaries

How We Killed Our Twitter Engagement in 5 minutes

December 07, 2016

Marketers take note: Do not let a turkey take over your Twitter account.

2016-12-06Listen, we know what you’re thinking: But Eat24, I get messages every day from turkeys claiming they can boost my engagement 900% and help me get millions of new followers in just a few hours. First of all, everyone gets those emails. Second of all, turkeys are liars. We know that because over Thanksgiving we decided to let one of them (he said his name was Goobz) take over our Twitter account. What a mistake.

Goobz-3

We love you and we want you to be successful in all of your endeavors, so we put together a definitive list we hope will convince you to never hire a turkey to tweet.

  1. Turkeys are not professional
Goobz_tweet-2

NSFW

Case in point, Goobz tweeted out a bunch of turkey porn (thighs, breasts, feathers, wattles). Also, he demanded we pay him in worms and then proceeded to eat them at Chris’ desk while he was on vacation. Not cool.

  1. Turkeys promote anti-turkey-eating agendas

Look at it this way: Most of our customers are not turkeys (check your user demographics–it’s highly likely yours are also not turkeys). That means our customers, for the most part, eat turkey. Roasted turkey, deep fried turkey, brined turkey, stuffed turkey, turkey sandwiches, turkey salads, turkey bacon (Just kidding, no one eats turkey bacon). Point is, chatting with a bird you want to eat is awkward.

turkeytalk1

Screen Shot 2016-11-29 at 12.05.42 PM

Goobz_tweet-1

  1. Turkeys < Potatoes

Another reason Goobz failed was because people missed Potato Sam, the multi-eyed starch crop who took over our Twitter last Summer. Turns out, potatoes do it better than turkeys. Waaaay better. And people remembered. Like this person:

imisssam1

And this person:

potatoesambetter

And this person who just wanted Goobz gone:

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Sorry, Shutterstock.

  1. Turkeys are boring

The main problem was that people just didn’t react. Seriously, our Twitter engagement rate was down 42% from the previous two Thanksgivings.goobzgraph

Maybe turkeys just aren’t exciting or controversial enough for today’s Internet. Never once did Goobz initiate hot topics like duck migration, pizza toppings, or that new zombie show.

Here’s a sample of what he did talk about:Goobz_tweet-4Goobz_tweet-5Goobz_tweet-3

Goobz_tweet-6

Ouch indeed.

Fittingly, Goobz’ most popular tweet was the one when he announced he was leaving our Twitter and launching himself into “space.” Two days later, turkey jerky mysteriously appeared in the office kitchen.

deadturkey

  1. You can’t repeat the past and expect success (especially with a turkey)

It’s hard to admit this, but since Potato Sam was such a hit, we thought it would be easy to replicate his success. Since it was Thanksgiving, using a turkey seemed like a no-brainer. But the truth is, you have to move forward and try new things. You can’t always repeat the past, particularly when your past involves giving root vegetables or poultry your Twitter password.

New ideas are the best ideas.

In conclusion, don’t hire a turkey to do a human’s job.

If you like what you see here and want more, follow @Eat24 on Instagram and Twitter.

  • Briana Clara

    LOL. Y’all have way too much fun.

  • SarahLMason

    I can’t believe I just read that whole article. I never read whole articles. And this is the one I choose? 2016 must have really taken a toll on me.

  • Flori Gonzalez

    Love it made my morning! I never read articles this I did. is just to funny!

  • Julie Terveen

    I agree. I went as far as to read the email and follow the link and then read the whole article. I also don’t even have a twitter account so I don’t even understand most it conceptually

  • Kristin Smith

    people were too busy eating turkey, they really didn’t want to engage with the dinner. Not to mention the awkward political conversations I really did not want to engage in!

  • lexx b0t

    Aw but I liked goobz. I wanted to send him a video of turkeys playing soccer. But I don’t use Twitter 😔

  • All you guys need to know is that you should never let a Turkey run your twitter account.

  • Glad we could make your morning a bit better <3

  • Well, at least you liked him 🙂

  • These are valid points. What we do want to engage in is some BM’s 😉

  • Work hard, play harder is what we say. We’ve never said that.

  • Katterine Herra

    Maybe it was because turkeys tend to be a bit…dry. Get it? Turkey meat is kinda dry so Goobz the turkey had DRY jokes. HAHAHAHAHA!

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