Clichés are so outdated. No one ever gets as mad as a wet hen. No one puts the cart before the horse because no one owns carts or horses (besides the super rich). And no one, and we mean no one, waits for ink to dry because pens are lame (sorry, pens). It’s time to give clichés a makeover, a refresh, as Holywood calls it, a cinematic reboot.
So we’d like to present you with a list of our revised clichés for the modern man, woman, cyborg, humanoid, and panda. Enjoy.
You can’t teach an old eggroll to be a new burger.
We’re comparing Hawaiian pizza to non-Hawaiian pizza.
Chili cheese fries make the world go ‘round.
There’s plenty of other sashimi at the sushi bar.
Don’t soak all your beans at once.
A pizza slice in hand is worth two in the box.
A picture is worth about 37 Instagram likes.
You’re meowing down at the wrong bush.
Never count your chicken tenders before they are dipped in sauce.
The burger is there, but the sesame seeds are missing.
The pad thai is always more peanut-y on the other side.
When in trouble, fear or doubt, run in circles scream and shout, then eat a donut.
Shoot for the moon, if you miss, you can always order a pizza.
A churro by any name would smell just as sweet. Unless they called it a stink stick.
Absinthe makes the nerves grow stronger.
A watched potato never turns into tots.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an apple fritter a day can make you happier.
Scones weren’t baked in a day.
You don’t have a chicken wing to fly on.
A smoked pot never…wait, what were we talking about again?
There’s more than one way to chug a beer.
The squeaky wheel gets ignored until a service light comes on.
This is what separates the chow mein from the bok chois.
Every corndog has its day.
Keep your nose to the cheese.
Like a spoon through lukewarm ice cream cake.
I know it like the back of my burger.
Brownie mix in one hand, half a cheesecake in the other.
Teeth never bite the same place twice.
Look before you leap into a poke bowl.
A penne saved is a penne uneaten.
Laughing all the way to the taco stand.
Another day, another collard.
Make a mountain out of your cheese fries.
Money can’t buy happiness, but tacos sure come close.
Not by the pear in my fruit-y fruit salad.
It’s not the chicken-iest of chow meins.
A few noodles short of a chow mein.
Madder than a wet burrito.
One bad dumpling spoils the war wonton soup.
Looks like we’re out of the tortilla and into the burrito.
Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin, I came for the taquitos so get out of my way.
That’s like the eggroll calling the spring roll, not delicious.
Put your BBQ where your mouth is.
I’m so hungry I could eat horseradish.
Walk softly and carry a big breadstick.
Walking on eggrolls.
That and a quarter will barely get you a gumball because of inflation.
I’ll give you a taste of your own Mucinex.
That’s the way the meatball bounces.