Bacon Sriracha Unicorn Diaries

EAT24 Becomes CEO of Google

November 11, 2014

Dear Google,

Our mama always told us to write thank you letters, so we wanted to send you a quick note and say thanks so much for promoting us to our new position of Google CEO. It’s very sweet that even though you have, like, 59 katrillion dollars, you don’t mind if we boss you around all day with the “OK Google” voice command “Search X on Y” feature. We know you gave this feature to everyone, but still. Thanks so much. It’s very generous of you. We love you.

We’re all thankful for different things

Maybe you already know this, but we enabled Search X on Y on the EAT24 Android app.  We loved the idea of not needing our hands to search for burritos and pizza and falafels on our app, and we figured our friends would too. Also, it’s kind of fun to search using voice command and watch everyone around us look all jealous cuz they know we’re about to spend some quality time with a bowl of Pho.

 

OK Google is like this...but less creepy

OK Google is like this…but less creepy

Anyway, we’re already totally in love with our new job as The Boss of Google, and everywhere we go, we’re all “OK Google” this and “OK Google” that. Our friends think we’re kinda crazy (and so do all the people who hear us talking to ourselves…but that’s another story). We can’t help it though. But it’s not like we’re overly demanding or anything. We’re a cool boss, right? And we only ask you really serious and thought-provoking questions. For example:

  • OK Google, how do they get mochi so perfectly round?
  • OK Google, what’s more dangerous to eat naked: a burrito or spaghetti?
  • OK Google, if it’s 41 degrees out and the wind is blowing from the west at 17 mph and the humidity is 8%, what’s the best topping for froyo?
  • OK Google, why is it called a sub sandwich if it can’t handle extreme depths or high pressure?

Our research shows that scientists have been perfecting wings for years

We don’t just have basic, everyday assignments for Google either. We’ve thought of quite a few scenarios where we might need you to act quickly and rescue us from desperate times, with even higher stakes than what pizza topping best compliments our scarf. We’re talking:

  • OK Google, we’re about to have a cheese meltdown. PRINT Fondue now.
  • OK Google, we’re trapped in the bathroom and there’s no toilet paper…send us some?
  • OK Google, find the nearest locksmith – we accidentally locked an omelette in the car!
Nooooooo!

Nooooooo!

Are we doing it right? Yeah, that’s what we thought. Win! You really are the best.

Well, we should probably wrap things up. We just looked back and realized this Thank You note is getting really long. Again, thanks so much for making us The Boss and for letting us save our hands for more important things like caressing cake pops and pinching people’s heads from a distance. OK Google, close browser and search for patty melts on EAT24.

 

Love,

EAT24
CEO, Google

  • Joshus

    Hail Google!
    Masters of the Search.
    Lol

  • Joshus

    The all knowing . your the king.
    Love to know how. Amazing.
    Wow. Hope the end is near.
    Almost didnt make it.

    Boy oh boy!

  • Joshus

    How exactly does a App become Ceo of Google?

  • wooster

    Best thing I’ve read all day, and I’ve read a lot today.

  • eat24

    YOU’RE the best thing we’ve read all day 🙂

  • eat24

    Hard work, determination, and egg rolls.

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