Bacon Sriracha Unicorn Diaries

This Amazing Food WILL Save Your Life (Quiz)

September 12, 2017
Rarely is the question asked: What food would save you if you were dangling off the side of a cliff and calling out for help but no one could hear you except that dish? And since people (for whatever reason) aren't asking that very important question, we're asking it today. Right now. In the form of this quiz. So, if you’re bored at work, bored at home, or have always wondered about the possibility of heroic food, this is the quiz for you.
1. As a kid, your favorite food was...
Cheerios you found behind the couch
The plastic fruit on the dining room table
Foie Gras with buttered baby potatoes, asparagus tips, and sour dough bread
Your cat’s food
2. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Turning coconut water into wine
Pajamas that look like a fancy outfit to everyone else
Ability to say “Extra cheese, please” in every language
Infinite superpowers
3. When it comes to your quality of life, what’s the most important thing to you?
Fries per capita
Ability to be pants-free more than half the year
Availability of dogs to pet
Career opportunities involving hummus
4. What food are you most likely to insult?
Salads...especially ones with cauliflower.
Fries served without multiple dipping sauces.
Turkey bacon. Or Turkey anything.
Water-flavored water.
5. What’s the most likely reason you were near the cliff?
Chasing a squirrel who took your phone.
Trying to find where the sun sleeps.
Doing impersonation of Road Runner that got out of control
Looking for ye pot ‘o gold
6. f you had to give your child an unconventional name, what would it be?
Guacamole
Dr. Who
Bieber Jr.
What-A-Name
7. What’s your computer’s current background photo?
Your couch surrounded by mood lighting
A still shot of Rob Kardashian blinking
A stock photo of an attractive stranger you’re pretending to date
The Taco Bell logo
8. What did people write in your high school yearbook?
We should totally hang out this summer and eat tacos.
I’m the first to sign your crack lol lol lol
Live everyday of summer like it’s Yak Week!
Wish we'd gotten to know each other better. I heard you bring good lunches.
9. What word/phrase do you like the most?
Time-travel
Caffeine
Inflatable pizza raft
Ice Cream Potpourri
This Amazing Food WILL Save Your Life (Quiz)
Doughnuts
Doughnuts are basically the Renaissance Men/Women/Children of breakfast because 1) they made it socially acceptable to eat deep fried sugar in the morning 2) they can also be eaten as dessert anytime and most importantly 3) they would 100% save your life if you were hanging off the side of a cliff. Downside of doughnuts? If it’s anything but a cliff, you’re on your own.
This Amazing Food WILL Save Your Life (Quiz)
Drunken Noodles
These noodles might be talking loudly and woo-hooing and generally embarrassing you with their overly friendly behavior, but they would also save your life without a second thought to their own personal safety. That’s probably because these noodles are drunk, but hey, it’s still nice either way.
This Amazing Food WILL Save Your Life (Quiz)
Cheese Curds
Midwesterners are known for being nice, so it totally makes sense that one of their staple foods would save your life if given the opportunity. Probably the best way to show your appreciation for their thoughtfulness is to order a plate of cheese curds and tell them you love their small-town charm before relocating them to a quaint home in your stomach.
This Amazing Food WILL Save Your Life (Quiz)
Steak
Maybe you thought steak was too busy enjoying candlelit dinners and sipping fine wines to help you out but no. This delicious cut of meat would be first in line to help you strengthen your grip on the cliff’s edge and then slowly pull you up to safely. How sweet!

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