Bacon Sriracha Unicorn Diaries

7 Appetizers for a Summer Body

June 10, 2015

In a panic because your swimsuit doesn’t fit quite right? Worried your bod won’t be as smokin’ as a rack of ribs? We’ve got your back! This list of exercises is guaranteed to get you ready for the beach. Or at the very least, the living room.

Turkey Leg Lifts


The latest craze the kids are into: Turkey leg implants

Step 1: Have a scientist replace your legs with turkey legs. Step 2: Lift up your legs and eat them. Just kidding. All you need to do is locate some turkey legs and chow down to enjoy the benefits of this exercise.

Plank Steaking


1, 2, 3, slice!

Turn dinner time into a mini-workout with this totally not dangerous (actually it’s probably pretty dangerous) workout. All you need is a steak (flank, ribeye, porter, whatever), a carving knife, and a mat. Exercise clothes are optional (though you will look more official in spandex).

Chair Chips ‘N Dips


The zen of imagining appetizers

This exercise involves visualizing what you want for yourself. Why? Because your mind is the most powerful muscle in the body and it needs a workout too. Are you listening to it? What is it saying? Queso and salsa? What? Who said that? Must be your mind telling you to eat.

Butterfly Shrimp Abs


*Results may vary

Ordering a platter of butterfly shrimp has never burned more calories. Simply lay on a yoga mat holding your noms and sit up once while holding it proudly in front of you. Then lay back down and have someone feed you like an Egyptian Pharaoh.

Fruit by the foot treadmill


Eyes on the prize.

Walking on a treadmill can be pretty boring. You need exciting stimuli to make it more interesting. Like fruit by the foot. Or better yet, forcing your cat to do your work out for you. That is why you have a cat, right?

Dahl sits


Sit ‘N Sip

Not enough workouts involve sipping soup…until now. With all the blowing and slurping, this one helps exercise your mouth muscles quite a bit.

Pull Up Push Pops


Motivation is crucial.

Pull yourself up by the push pop. At least that’s what our mama always used to say. Ideally, you want a cherry push pop, but that’s up to you. Green apple isn’t bad either. Anyway, the point is, toned arms and very toned tongue.


Well, looks like there aren’t any excuses to slack on that bod anymore. Good luck and feel free to post pics of your results!

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  • mitch mitchell

    LOLZ. I’ve been waiting for a workout regimen like this.

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